If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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