And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
