Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
