Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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