so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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