batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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