Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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