Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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