we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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