I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize