True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
