alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
