I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I died a long time ago.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
