did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
