i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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