My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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