I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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