You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
