He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
