Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
