dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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