Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
