He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
