He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A bitchslap is in order.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
