Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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