I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
