Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
