Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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