So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
