the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
