When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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