Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
