I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it's like iHOP with fire
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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