he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize