My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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