im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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