I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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