so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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