can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
