one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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