I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
