I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they're like a gay fantastic four
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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