Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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