there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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