he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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