Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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