I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
