1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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