i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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