I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
