I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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