but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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