she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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