in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Small penises have feelings too.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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