the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
