he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
