I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
