Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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