From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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