I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
