I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
