I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
