one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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