ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
