She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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