I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
