when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
