I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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