bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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