Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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