When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
