He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
