fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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