It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
