don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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